No this is not a Star Wars story. I want to talk about the child that doesn’t fit the mould, who is unique and how as parents we should nurture that gift.
When my little bundle of joy was born, as a parent I pictured her growing up in an idealic world. A happy child free to express herself in a Utopia that wouldn’t judge. Mmm, the reality was so far away from my idealistic dream.
From an early age, my child stood out from the crowd. I allowed her to dress herself and encouraged that unique sense of self. I remember the looks as we walked through Kmart, my child dressed in a pink tutu, fairy wings, gum boots and a yellow construction hard hat. But back then the comments were “isn’t she cute!”
That unique exploration of self was further encouraged and reinforced at preschool, with dress ups and genderless toys and play. Being an only child, my daughter was just as content playing with dolls as she was helping Daddy wash his Harley Davidson and dreaming one day of owning her own.
But despite nurturing and embracing that uniqueness in the early years, when it came time to start school, I expected my child to become a clone, a look-a-like of all those around her. To fit in and conform in order to be accepted because as a parent I knew the alternative was not going to be pleasant for her. We know what happens to those that stand out! And so I no longer embraced her individuality that I had loved so much but encouraged her to ‘follow the crowd’.
I stifled my child’s unique individualism and sacrificed her sense of self to protect her from; well, society, judgement, ridicule etc. But really, I think it was more about me! Fear that I would be judged as a parent if my child was different.
I succeeded in confusing my child, telling her she can be anything she wants BUT not at school and not around her peers. Not surprising primary school was a struggle, where she just couldn’t connect with others. But like a butterfly she arose out of the cocoon I had forced her into and she found her “tribe” in the theatre. Here she can be all she wants to be. Here, at the age of 12, she can still play dress ups and not be judged. Here she can express herself. She found her happy place.
I’ve come full circle in my parenting and returned back to embracing her uniqueness. I am proud of who she is. Today she may walk down the street in Goth makeup, tomorrow in masculine clothing, the next day overtly feminine dress and the day after that in a mix of it all…..AND that is ok with me. She can ignore the stares and hold her head high and so can I.
