Last week was World Breastfeeding Week and I wanted to acknowledge those mums who were able to successfully breastfeed, those mums who couldn't breastfeed but managed to express breastmilk, and the mums who decided that breastfeeding was not for them.
The decision on how to feed their new bub is something mums can struggle with as there's a generational opinion in what “should” be done. I've heard of friends who had midwives push breastfeeding on them. Of some hospitals refusing to give formula or frowning on the choice to bottle feed because they push for breastfeeding. I personally had a midwife tell me, a new mum of twins, that it was “no good having one baby on the breast and one on the bottle" to which I replied that maybe it was my choice and proceeded to burst into tears before running to the bathroom.
I haven't been able to breastfeed. I guess I always had the idea that when I have a baby that I will breastfeed. I've seen others do it so I should do it too. Shouldn't be too hard, right?
Wrong. I was so very wrong. Because in all honesty, it is hard. Harder than what I ever imagined.
I had latch issues with my twins – one just wouldn't latch and the other only occasionally. I put it down to my girls being born at 36 weeks which is when babies learn to suck in utero. The stress of 2 hungry babies crying at the same time as a first time mum was just too much to handle.
My 3rd baby fed really well in hospital but we spent 4 days in NICU and was tube fed for the majority of it. She fed well for the next 5 days when she was in special care and eventually rooming with me. By the time we came home I was dealing with a family struck down with gastro and 2 excited big sisters. I just couldn't get myself into the mental headspace to do it.
So with all three babies I expressed my breast milk and mixed fed until I had no supply left.
I'm experiencing some level of mum guilt at the moment. 3 nights ago (a few days shy of 3 months) I pumped for the very last time. And while it is a relief that I am no longer attached to a pump every 3-4hours, 20 minutes at a time, I do feel a little sad about it.
Even though I began to resent being stuck to a pump I was always amazed about what my body could do. It created and grew a baby and now it's producing milk to feed my baby! I thankfully had a lot of milk. I pumped so much in hospital with my 3rd that I filled a whole shelf in the nursery fridge and needed to have some frozen in the freezer. I had a stash to last me a couple weeks then started building more with some excess milk my baby couldn't drink straight away.
I know it's not the same as direct feeding but it is still just as hard to ensure our supply keeps up. Sadly I couldn't do it for very long but there are amazing people who can exclusively express for over a year!
I give huge props to the mums who breastfeed. It honestly is a tough but rewarding road to take for those who choose to breastfeed. I had a friend who spent 3 days feeding as her bub was cluster feeding. Another friend who I was out at the park with who was getting dirty looks from 2 older ladies because she was breastfeeding. I remember being at a mother's group meeting and seeing a mum who was absolutely exhausted as her baby hadn't let her sleep and just wanted to feed. Yet those same women were able to continue breastfeeding until their kids were almost 12 months old.
A lot of breastfeeding mums really just persisted and from what I hear it doesn't always come naturally at the start. The sore nipples, the constant feeding, being used as a human dummy, the late nights feeding, teething babies.. it truly is a massive commitment. One friend said breastfeeding was one of her greatest achievements because it was hard but she got through it.
Then there are the absolute superstar mums who are able to breastfeed twins! Trust me there are a lot of them so shout out to the mums of multiples!
If there is one thing I learnt from my feeding journey is that you need to so what is best for you and your baby. I went to a lactation consultant with my twins to see if we can get this working. The LC said to me that I was doing all the right things and it can take time for babies to learn this skill just as much as I am learning too. But at the end of the day I need to look after my mental health and if its getting stressful then it can affect baby’s latch and also my supply. She said that breastfeeding is really a 2 way street, I can do all the right things but if baby isn't cooperating then it's going to be very difficult and that it's not all my fault. It really made me feel better with my decision to just express breastmilk and eventually formula feed. I needed to do that for my own mental health.
There are plenty of resources available to help assist if breastfeeding is something that you really want to do. It's also important to remember that it is perfectly okay not to and that fed is best. Your own health is just as important as your baby's.
Blurb: Monica is a mum to 2 year old twin girls and another 3 month old baby girl. Her family are “tree changers" having moved to the Hunter Valley a year ago. Together they are embarking on the adventures of regional living and raising 3 kids under 3 in a multicultural household.
