Mum Guilt - the biggest ailment

Mum guilt is a huge thing these days. It comes from so many different places too. Society, media, health professionals, family, friends and of course yourself. Being such a hot topic, we interviewed Em from The Jacaranda Centre to get her advice on how to deal with it. Sadly mum guilt can often become shame and this can be really dangerous, particularly to your mental health.

Have a think about your own life. Do you end up putting an excessive amount of pressure on yourself to be there for everyone? In my own life I know I definitely do. If I'm at work, I'm guilty that I'm not spending time at home with my kids that aren't at school full time yet. If I'm at home and playing with the kids, I'm guilty because I should be studying or doing housework. If I'm out seeing friends, I'm guilty because I should be using the limited time I have to be doing all of the above. The list goes on. But, if I turn all this around and actually think about things, this is how it can also go.

I'm at work - great! I'm furthering my career and bringing in money for our family

I'm spending time with the kids - I'm building memories and the kids are happy!

I'm studying - good job mum, your career prospects are looking brighter already

I'm out seeing friends - much needed me time ensures that I am looking after myself which leads to a happier mum and therefore happier family

In my opinion, life should be all about balance. And when I say balance, each day won't always be balanced of course. But try to add a little bit of each category that is relevant to you into your week. And please please please, try to be kind to yourself and stop feeling the dreaded mum guilt. If you asked your kids what they thought of you, I'm sure they would be much kinder!

The Studying Mum

Towards the end of last year, my partner and I were rushed off our feet. Our goal for 2019 was going to be to cut back on things and lighten our load. So just before the year was out, I ensured that this goal would never come to fruition and enrolled to study! I take my hats off to all the mums out there balancing work, children and adding in that extra bonus of studying. It’s only mid January and I’m struggling! We have four kids between us and so far it’s only school holidays so everyone is relatively quiet with activities, or we are all together anyway. But once school goes back and sport starts back up, there goes our weekend, and my current study time. So here’s my apology to my friends now; love you all, but see you in 2020!

Have you started up studying after becoming a mum?

The moment you realise your parents are the type of people you want to be

I guess when you're a teenager, it's almost your parents job to 'make things difficult' and your job to push their buttons. But when does this stop and is there a characteristic or memory of your parents that you feel may have helped you reach that point? 

I feel pretty lucky. My dad was my hero and always the person I admired the most. My mum was and still is my best friend. I love her raw honesty and I respect her so much as a mother. I think for me I realised her true value when I became a mother myself though. 

I recently saw a Reddit post about this exact thing. In today's violence and negativity, it was a beautiful post to read through. People were writing things that their parents had done to make them proud, like helping others. Others were embracing their parents relationships and how much they hoped to find that one day. 

So, I ask you, what have your parents done to make you want to be like them?